“My mother used to say that for a surgeon, a day without death is a rare gift. Every day we face death. Every day we lose life. And every day, we’re hoping for a stay of execution. We’re attached to death. Chained, like prisoners. Captives.”
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Season 4, Episode 15: Losing My Mind
“The problem with being a resident is you feel crazy all the time. You haven’t slept in years. You spend every day around people in massive crisis. You lose your ability to judge what’s normal… in yourself, or anyone else. And yet people are constantly asking you to tell them how they’re doing. How the hell are you supposed to know? You don’t even know how you’re doing.”
“Don’t wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don’t. In the face of all we can lose in a day… in an instant… wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.”
Season 4, Episode 14: The Becoming
“There’s this person, in my head. She is brilliant. Capable. She can do chest tubes and craniotomies, she can run a code without freaking out. She’s a really good surgeon, maybe even a great surgeon. She’s me, only so much better. And I’m afraid I’ll never become this person in my head, because something keeps getting in my way.”
“It was a good day. Maybe even a great day. I was a good doctor. Even when it was hard. I was the me in my head. There was a moment when I thought, “I can’t do this.” “I can’t do this alone.” But, I closed my eyes and imagined myself doing it. And I did. I blocked out the fear. And I did it. It was a really good day.”
Season 4, Episode 13: Piece of My Heart
“Great surgeons aren't made, they’re born. It takes gestation, incubation, sacrifice. A lot of sacrifice. But after all the blood and guts and gooey stuff is washed away, that surgeon you become? Totally worth it.”
“Giving birth may be all intense and magical, and stuff, but the act itself? It’s not exactly pleasant. But it’s also a beginning, of something incredible. Something new. Something unpredictable. Something true. Something worth loving. Something worth missing. Something that will change your life… forever.”
Season 4, Episode 12: Where the Wild Things Are
“We like to think that we are rational beings; Humane, Conscientious, Civilized, Thoughtful. But when things fall apart, even just a little, it becomes clear. We’re no better than animals. We have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream. But deep down, we’re all still rooting around in the primordial ooze. Biting, clawing, scratching out an existence in the cold dark world like the rest of the tree toads and sloth.”
“There’s a little animal in all of us. And maybe that’s something to celebrate. Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with. We may feel caged, we may feel trapped, but still, as humans, we can find ways to feel free. We are each other’s keepers. We are the guardians of our own humanity. And even though there’s a beast inside all of us. What sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream, and love. And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve.”
Season 4, Episode 11: Lay Your Hands on Me
“In the beginning, God created the heaven and the Earth. At least, that’s what they say. He created the birds of the air and the beasts of the field. And he looked at his creation and he saw that it was good. And then God created man, and it’s been downhill ever since. The story goes on to say that God created man in his own image, but there’s not much proof of that. After all, God made the sun, the moon, and the stars. And all man makes is trouble. And when man finds himself in trouble, which is most of the time, he turns to something bigger than himself, to love, or fate, or religion to make sense of it all. But, for a surgeon, the only thing that makes any kind of sense, is medicine.”
“As doctors, we know more about the human body now than at any other point in our history. But the miracle of life itself, why people live and die, why they hurt or get hurt, is still a mystery. We want to know the reason, the secret, the answer at the back of the book. Because the thought of our being all alone down here is just too much for us to bear. But at the end of the day, the fact that we show up for each other, in spite of our differences, no matter what we believe, is reason enough to keep believing.”
Season 4, Episode 10: Crash Into Me: Part 2
“At the end of the day, the experience of practicing medicine bears little resemblance to the dream. We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicine because we want to do good. We go into medicine for the rush, for the high, for the ride. But what we remember at the end of most days, are the losses. What we lie awake at night replaying is the pain we caused. The ills we couldn’t cure. The lives we ruined… or failed to save. The end of the day, the reality is nothing like we hope. The reality is, at the end of the day, more often than not, turned inside out and upside down.”
“Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, improbably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again.”
Season 4, Episode 9: Crash Into Me: Part 1
“We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicine because we want to do good. We go into medicine for the rush, for the high, for the ride. But what we remember at the end of most days, are the losses. What we lay awake at night replaying is the pain we caused, or failed to cure. The lives we ruined, or failed to save. So the experience of practicing medicine rarely resembles the goal. The experience too often, is ass-backwards, and upside down.”
Season 4, Episode 8: Forever Young
“There comes a point in your life when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible. Serious. A grown-up. We get taller, we get older, but do we ever really grow up?”
“In some ways we grow up. We have families, we get married… divorced. But for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling. Forever wondering. Forever… young.”
Season 4, Episode 7: Physical Attraction… Chemical Reaction
“Before we were doctors, we were med students, which meant we spent a lot of time studying chemistry: Organic chemistry, Biochemistry. We learned it all. But when you’re talking about human chemistry, only one thing matters. Either you've got it, or you don’t.”
“Chemistry: Either you’ve got it, or you don’t.”
Season 4, Episode 6: Kung Fu Fighting
“There’s this thing about being a surgeon. Maybe it’s pride, or maybe it’s just about being tough, but a true surgeon never admits they need help unless absolutely necessary. Surgeons don’t need to ask for help because they’re tougher than that. Surgeons are cowboys. Rough around the edges, hardcore. At least, that’s what they want you to think.”
“Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn’t just about being tough. It’s about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’s okay to let down your guard. In fact, there are moments when there are moments when it’s the best thing you could possibly do. As long as you choose your moments wisely.”
Season 4, Episode 5: Haunt You Every Day
“There’s a reason surgeons learn to wield scalpels. We like to pretend we’re hard, cold scientists. We like to pretend we’re fearless. But the truth is we become surgeons because somewhere, deep down, we think we can cut away that which haunts us. Weakness, frailty, death.”
“It isn’t just surgeons, the truth is, I don’t know anyone who isn’t haunted by something. Or someone. And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of a closet, our efforts usually fail. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page. Or, put an old story to rest. Finally, finally to rest.”
Season 4, Episode 4: The Heart of the Matter
“In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt people. You’re going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, there’s really only one thing you can say… “I forgive you.”
“Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled. Old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.”
Season 4, Episode 3: Let the Truth Sting
“Doctors give patients a number of things. We give them medicine, we give them advice, and most of the time, we give them our undivided attention. But by far, the hardest thing you can give the patience is the truth. The truth is hard. The truth is awkward, and very often… the truth hurts. I mean, people say they want the truth. But do they really?”
“The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it. Especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to really hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can’t help ourselves. And sometimes… we tell them… because we owe them at least that much.”
Season 4, Episode 2: Love/Addiction
“In the hospital, we see addiction every day. It’s shocking, how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it was just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life, at some point cross the line to obsessive. Compulsive. Out of control. It’s the high we’re chasing. The high that makes everything else… fade away.”
“The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high… stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts even worse.”
Season 4, Episode 1: A Change Is Gonna Come
“In the practice of medicine, change is inevitable. New surgical techniques are created, procedures are updated, levels of expertise increase. Innovation is everything. Nothing remains the same for long. We either adapt to change… or we get left behind.”
“Change… We don’t like it, we fear it. But we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t, is lying. But here’s the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is… everything.”
Season 3, Episode 25: Didn’t We Almost Have It All?
“Being chief is about responsibility. Every single surgical patient in the hospital is your patient, whether you’re the one who cut them open or not. The scalpel stops with you. You need to be able to look at a family… and tell them your team did everything they could to save someone’s child… their husband… their wife. You get caught up, taking care of other people’s families. And the responsibility… it makes you… you take care of other people’s families. And you sacrifice your own.”
Season 3, Episode 24: Testing 1-2-3
“A surgeon’s education never ends. Every patient, every symptom, every operation is a test. A chance for us to demonstrate how much we know… and how much more we have to learn.”
Season 3, Episode 22, 23: The Other Side of This Life: Part I & II
“The dream is this: That we’ll finally be happy when we reach our goals. Find the guy, finish our internship… that’s the dream. Then we get there… and if we’re human, we immediately start dreaming of something else. Because if this is the dream… then we’d like to wake up. Now, please.”
“At some point, maybe we accept that the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves the reality is better. We convince ourselves it’s better that we never dream at all. But the strongest of us, the most determined of us, we hold on to the dream. Or, we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We awake to find ourselves… against all odds…. feeling hopeful. And if we’re lucky… we realize, in the face of everything, in the face of life… the true dream… is being able to dream, at all.”
Season 3, Episode 21: Desire
“As interns, we know what we want, to become surgeons. And we’ll do anything to get there. Suffer through killer exams. Endure 100-hour weeks, Stand for hours on end in operating rooms, you name it, we’ll do it. The tough part though, is, reconciling this huge thing we want – to be surgeons, with everything else we want.”
“Too often, the thing you want most, is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be… the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.”
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